17 Week Picture!

Growing growing growing! I will actually be 18 weeks tomorrow. I am so slow at getting these done! Hopefully I'll take the next ones on time, so that this doesn't happen again.

The doctor said I should start feeling the baby within the next week... I am SO super excited for that to happen! Nothing as of yet, but I check every five minutes for movement so I'm sure not to miss it! ;)

You'll have to excuse the look on my face. I'm not even sure you can tell, but I was FOUL when I took this picture. Poor Christian couldn't do anything right. I felt ugly. My sign was ugly. My bump looked more like lard. My eyebrows looked too thin. My hair looked like Justin Bieber. And my eye was lazy. What a sweet image of myself! Ugh. I even hate admitting that to the public. 

Why are we so hard on ourselves? Why do we dare say that this perfectly created being, created in the image of God, is anything short of incredibly beautiful? 

Being pregnant has made me feel more beautiful than I have ever felt in my life. I think a nasty combination of hormones, allergies, and tiredness works together to make me the worst possible self I can be. I had to pout a minute. Lay my head down. Pray that God would make it stop. This is not the wife I want Christian to see. This is not the role model I want my son or daughter to have. Almost as worse after was the extreme guilt and shame that pours over me every time I have a tantrum like this. (Admittedly, this is not the first time... ugh.) That is not me! That is not who I was created to be. It was almost like I heard that whispered sweetly in my ear. Not just from the Holy Spirit, but from Christian too.  Any girl would be lucky to have a husband half as good as him.

It's funny I had this meltdown considering I had just watched the new Dove Real Beauty Sketches. If you have not seen this, YOU MUST! Such an eye opener. I was in tears. 

You can find the best video here. Or here:

I hope it blesses you as sweetly as it did me and nearly everyone I've known who has watched it.

xo

16 Week Picture

I swear I stay a week behind in every aspect of my life. Ughh I will do better... one day. :)

I'm still thinking it's a girl... and everyone is starting to agree with me! C and I honestly don't care either way, boy or girl. I cannot hardly wait to find out! I know so many people who are not as far along as I am that already know what they're having. Grr. I guess it will be that much sweeter.

Oh- and just to clarify... I am already almost 18 weeks. So I'm behind. :/ 

As if life isn't about to get crazy enough, I am picking up two extra classes this semester to make sure I can finish my MBA before baby comes! That puts me at around 6 weeks of torture... haha. 

That could be part of the reason why I am almost 18 weeks and posting the picture of my 16 week belly.  Yikes.

15 week pic @ 16 weeks pregnant!

Here is our 15 Week Belly Picture! EEK! 

I am not 16 weeks, and will be taking a picture tonight to document the progress. So far I still am hardly experiencing any symptoms. The only thing that stands out is a random craving of sour and gummy candies, and some serious acid reflux. Could be from the sour candy, but that is totally a necessary evil. You'll be able to tell in my next picture, but I really think I grew another two inches outward! What they say is true, it comes out of nowhere!

We haven't focused too much on names. Not knowing if it's a little lad or lady makes it difficult to picture any names. I don't think we'll announce the name until after he/she is born, but we'll have a top three list, I'm sure. 

Can't wait to show off the 16 weeker! 

xo

Shame! But more than that.. Extreme JOY!

I can not even believe it has been almost 4 months since my last post! Shame shame shame! That is exactly what I wanted to avoid doing by starting a blog... IGNORING IT! I hope I didn't lose all of my readers.. you know, my mom. :) haha.

Before updating on anything else that has went on in the past four months, I think I will bust if I don't tell you...

EEK! YOU READ THAT RIGHT! Our prayers have been answered. I feel like I am a walking miracle and proof of what a gracious and faithful God can and will do for his creation. Baby C is coming September 20th, so that puts me at around 12 weeks!

I am so thrilled to be ending my first trimester, probably for different reasons than most. I can't wait to have a belly! I haven't been stuck to a toilet, or completely miserable at all. in fact, had we not seen the little heartbeat beating a million times a second, I'm not sure I'd believe I was pregnant at all. I will say the most noticeable change is my ability to sleep for a solid 18 hours a day. With breaks to eat, of course. I can't say much has changed there; I've always been a snoozer and an eater! 

I'm so happy to be back blogging. it will be a nice relief, but still an obligation away from school. I will be able to post pictures each week of how my belly grows! So far there has been a little change, but nothing worth posting over. 

Here is baby C's progress... Growing strong! This is he/she at 12 weeks, just able to fit in the palm of Christian's hand. Have we talked about how ECSTATIC Christian is? He has already shed tears over this little guy/gal. He will be such a sweet daddy. 

Our families can't hardly wait either. Our friends are incredibly supportive and loving. I can't imagine bringing this baby into a better environment than the one that God has helped to build around us.

Much like Hannah in the book of Samuel, I am overwhelmed with joy and gratefulness...

"I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him." Samuel 1:27

Stay tuned for progress updates... and forgive me for being the worst blogger ever!

xo

H

Embarrassing Moment

I have been putting off this post because I couldn't, for the life of me, think of a significant embarrassing moment! Sure I get embarrassed, but I'm not sure there are any worth blogging about. Boo! Everything I can think of is probably one of those 'you had to be there' moments anyway, so I'll spare you.

I may have the best job on the planet. I may not have always known that, but three years in and I'm starting to see that the desires I have had for my life and my career, God had in front of me all along. My heart is to serve people, which I think is a huge reason why I've always wanted to be a missionary... and a mom. My job is PR and Advertising, so a big portion of that is me being in the community. I am super blessed to work in the county I do, with the people I do. This past week a few of us planned a project at the Assisted Living home. We basically spent two days 'playing' and loving on a group of men and women. I was in love! They were so kind, and so so wise. It was the highlight of my week. Here are some pictures.. and a sweet video. :)

Holding a visiting baby... love!

Chelsea dancing with Ralph! She may have found her calling.

The elementary boys who helped Mr. Allison decorate his hat.

Decorating Hats!

My favorite moment... Ralph singing Amazing Grace as one of the middle schoolers played piano. I only caught the very end because my phone is SUPER slow. :(

God is so good. Each Thanksgiving I grow a little more thankful... Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours!

XO

When God says 'wait on me', he means it!

Why do we even try? Why do we think, in our insignificant human-ness, that we can do anything separate from God and His will and purpose for our lives?

I feel like Christian and I are realizing this truth more and more everyday. Not that we've ever tried to live without God, but that we've tried to do things on our own time. Let me remind you folks how exhausting of a task that can be! Last week I was feeling incredibly discouraged about my fertility. It's so silly, really. A month of trying to conceive is so not a long time, but between the doctor's visits and spending way too much time on web MD, my heart was beyond heavy. I almost wish I didn't have access to a computer so that I couldn't google every possible outcome! After talking to Christian about it and being open and honest about how angry I was feeling toward my body and how it wasn't cooperating, he sent this sweet email:

It is doing exactly what God wants it to do right now.

God has a plan for us babe. Stay faithful. You(we) are trying to have a baby on our time.. once we rely and trust God and he truly knows we are passionate about Him and His plan…. that’s when we will have a baby. When we aren’t even thinking about it cause we are so lost in our faith. When has he steered us wrong? Think about your past and how you can just laugh and see how god was working the entire time.

I love you babe. Don’t stress about things that God is in control of. He will take care of us. Stay faithful and pray.

How blessed am I? This totally applies to every aspect of my life lately. Things aren't necessarily going according to plan. We want to buy a house, but I feel like God has totally shut that door, at least for right now. I know that is a huge blessing in disguise.

On to the question...

List 10 people who have influenced you and describe how. 

1. My Mom. She has always put her husband and us kids first. She has instilled in me an appreciation for the time we get to have with our families. I can't think of anyone in the world I'm more alike than my mom; I look and act just like her! If I could be half the woman she is, I'd be so so blessed.
2. My Dad.What a man of God he is. He and my mom are two of the most selfless, self-sacrificing people on the planet. My dad cares more about the well-being of others more than any other person on the planet. He is humble, sweet, and hardworking. I knew I would marry a man just like him.
3. My sweet Husband. I know without a doubt that God answered some of my deepest prayers and pleas when it comes to Christian. My faith has never been so solidified as it has been since loving this man... for so many reasons.  He is the epitome of a Godly, selfless, humble husband. Like all marriages, ours is so far from perfect. It gets hard; I dream of pouring hot wax on his face (I'm crazy, I know); we fight and don't say the nicest things... but we get through it. We love each other, and we made a promise that we both vow to keep. I'm a lucky gal for him to put up with me!
4. My Nana. She is the sweetest, most caring and Godly woman I know. I can't imagine life without her.
5. Marcy. I have learned so much from this woman. She is my boss, my friend, and my mentor. Somehow God knew ;) exactly who I would need in my life the past three years. Through heartbreak, happiness, and sorrow, she has been there every step of the way. 
6. My mil Ruth. I don't know what it is about this woman, but her and I have always had a special connection. She has always been an advocate for Christian and I, even when we didn't want each other ourselves. She would email me and keep in touch with my family in the years that he and I went our separate ways. I am so thankful to have a Mother in Law that cares so much about me and my marriage to her son. Not to mention she is a Godly woman who has the biggest heart for other people. 
7. My sil Shelly. This woman has one of the sweetest love stories ever. I really can't get enough of it. Her and her husband Phil have been together forever. They are high school sweethearts who had the world against them in the beginning, but managed to stick together and come out of it all even more in love. They are wonderful parents to three babies. Well, not babies anymore, but you get the idea. Many of Christian's stories and childhood memories involve Shelly and Phil. I know that my brothers will feel the same about Christian... 
8. My fil John. Christian and I are so blessed to have this man as a father/father in law. He has fought for us and stood in the gaps where neither of us had the heart to. He and my dad stayed in contact and prayed over Christian and I more times than I could count. John loves me as his own, and I couldn't be more grateful.
9. My Aunt Kelly. She really has no idea she's on this list, but I look up to her so so much. She is a tad crazy, much like the rest of us Lozano's. She would do anything for her children, and adores her siblings. I love the relationship she and my mom have. I love that she lives so close (8 hours) that we see her more often than we used to with her in Vegas. I so wish that the rest of my dad's family lived closer. 
10. Brooke. Though she drives me crazy, and I often feel like the big sister who wants to ring the neck of the little sister, she really is my very best friend. I admire her confidence and the way she lights up the room just by being in it. Her parents and her friends think the world of her, and she doesn't even know it.

Since I haven't blogged in way too long, here's a quick recap:

Dad & C taking a Sunday nap. We still weren't allowed to change the channel.

In the Gap dressing room... haha.

Shopping with the boys and mom at the flea market!

Oh you know- Wayne & Garth for Halloween!

C & I on our 'special' trip to Gatlinburg. The picture doesn't do the view justice!
I know you want to see us kissing ;)

til next time.

xo

H

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1. List 20 random facts about yourself.
2. Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears. 
3. Describe your relationship with your parents. 
4. List 10 things you would tell your 16 year old self, if you could. 
5. What are the 5 things that make you most happy right now? 
6. What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?  
7. What is your dream job, and why? 
8. What are 5 passions you have? 
9. List 10 people who have influenced you and describe how. 
10. Describe your most embarrassing moment. 
11. Describe 10 pet peeves you have. 
12. Describe a typical day in your current life. 
13. Describe 5 weaknesses you have. 
14. Describe 5 strengths you have. 
15. If you were an animal, what would you be and why? 
16. What are your 5 greatest accomplishments? 
17. What is the thing you most wish you were great at? 
18. What is your earliest memory?
19. If you could live anywhere, where would it be and why? 
20. Describe 3 significant memories from your childhood. 
21. If you could have one superpower, what would it be and what would you do with it first? 
22. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? 15 years? 
23. List your top 5 hobbies and why you love them. 
24. Describe your family dynamic of your childhood vs. your family dynamic now. 
25. If you could have dinner with anyone in history, who would it be and what would you eat?
26. What popular notion do you think the world has most wrong?
27. What is your favorite part of your body and why?
28. What is your love language?
29. What do you think people misunderstand most about you?
30. List 10 things you would hope to be remembered for

If I get married, I want to be very married. Audrey Hepburn

So I wrote out a post yesterday, but never posted it. Even though I feel much better today than I did then, I still want to post it. Can't be perfect all the time ;)

Bear with me while I act like a 13 yr old girl for a minute. :) Why are some days an uncontrollable whirlwind of emotion? I don't know who has taken over my body and my mind lately, but it's high-time they get goin'. There are a few reasons I can think of, but none of these reasons are reason enough to become Satan on Earth... which I have. No judgments here, right? Ugh. 

I really think it all boils down to my impatience with God. Why aren't things happening as quickly as I had hoped? Why does God get to decide how and when things happen? I am laughing at myself already for asking that one. I know I will wake up in the next few days with a fresh outlook and a regretful heart for feeling the way I have been lately. 

The idea of even starting the buying process for a new home makes me worry. 

The possible chance of infertility makes me worry. 

Side bar: This is every woman- who - has - dreamed - to - be - a - mother's worry. I have not been told that I am infertile. I have PCOS, which is very common, so I know that I will have a tougher time getting pregnant because I don't ovulate as regularly as most women.

I don't know why, but Satan has bounded the idea in my head lately. It's exhausting and it makes me so so sad. Why can't I just trust that God will do perfect things in perfect time? Why do I have to control everything? 

Most of all.. Why do I insist on thinking my way is better than God's way? God has proved to me time and time again that He is faithful. 

I really do feel much better today about everything. Maybe it was a mixture of sadness, worry, anxiety, and a little bit of my just being female. haha. 

On with the questions!

What are 5 passions you have? 

1. Being a mom. I know that's a shocker.

2. Politics. But what I'm absolutely NOT passionate about, is belittling others because they don't hold the same opinion you do. I honestly can't wait for the election to be over... I never thought I'd say that.

3. My marriage. Putting Christian first...

4. Missions

5. Thrifting..

Still trying to figure out how to style this hair of mine... But i still LOVE it!!

Christian is taking me on a surprise getaway this weekend! I'm so excited! I could hardly sleep last night, and that is a RARITY. 

Thanks for reading and listening to my rants! ;)

xo