Embarrassing Moment

I have been putting off this post because I couldn't, for the life of me, think of a significant embarrassing moment! Sure I get embarrassed, but I'm not sure there are any worth blogging about. Boo! Everything I can think of is probably one of those 'you had to be there' moments anyway, so I'll spare you.

I may have the best job on the planet. I may not have always known that, but three years in and I'm starting to see that the desires I have had for my life and my career, God had in front of me all along. My heart is to serve people, which I think is a huge reason why I've always wanted to be a missionary... and a mom. My job is PR and Advertising, so a big portion of that is me being in the community. I am super blessed to work in the county I do, with the people I do. This past week a few of us planned a project at the Assisted Living home. We basically spent two days 'playing' and loving on a group of men and women. I was in love! They were so kind, and so so wise. It was the highlight of my week. Here are some pictures.. and a sweet video. :)

Holding a visiting baby... love!

Chelsea dancing with Ralph! She may have found her calling.

The elementary boys who helped Mr. Allison decorate his hat.

Decorating Hats!

My favorite moment... Ralph singing Amazing Grace as one of the middle schoolers played piano. I only caught the very end because my phone is SUPER slow. :(

God is so good. Each Thanksgiving I grow a little more thankful... Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours!

XO

When God says 'wait on me', he means it!

Why do we even try? Why do we think, in our insignificant human-ness, that we can do anything separate from God and His will and purpose for our lives?

I feel like Christian and I are realizing this truth more and more everyday. Not that we've ever tried to live without God, but that we've tried to do things on our own time. Let me remind you folks how exhausting of a task that can be! Last week I was feeling incredibly discouraged about my fertility. It's so silly, really. A month of trying to conceive is so not a long time, but between the doctor's visits and spending way too much time on web MD, my heart was beyond heavy. I almost wish I didn't have access to a computer so that I couldn't google every possible outcome! After talking to Christian about it and being open and honest about how angry I was feeling toward my body and how it wasn't cooperating, he sent this sweet email:

It is doing exactly what God wants it to do right now.

God has a plan for us babe. Stay faithful. You(we) are trying to have a baby on our time.. once we rely and trust God and he truly knows we are passionate about Him and His plan…. that’s when we will have a baby. When we aren’t even thinking about it cause we are so lost in our faith. When has he steered us wrong? Think about your past and how you can just laugh and see how god was working the entire time.

I love you babe. Don’t stress about things that God is in control of. He will take care of us. Stay faithful and pray.

How blessed am I? This totally applies to every aspect of my life lately. Things aren't necessarily going according to plan. We want to buy a house, but I feel like God has totally shut that door, at least for right now. I know that is a huge blessing in disguise.

On to the question...

List 10 people who have influenced you and describe how. 

1. My Mom. She has always put her husband and us kids first. She has instilled in me an appreciation for the time we get to have with our families. I can't think of anyone in the world I'm more alike than my mom; I look and act just like her! If I could be half the woman she is, I'd be so so blessed.
2. My Dad.What a man of God he is. He and my mom are two of the most selfless, self-sacrificing people on the planet. My dad cares more about the well-being of others more than any other person on the planet. He is humble, sweet, and hardworking. I knew I would marry a man just like him.
3. My sweet Husband. I know without a doubt that God answered some of my deepest prayers and pleas when it comes to Christian. My faith has never been so solidified as it has been since loving this man... for so many reasons.  He is the epitome of a Godly, selfless, humble husband. Like all marriages, ours is so far from perfect. It gets hard; I dream of pouring hot wax on his face (I'm crazy, I know); we fight and don't say the nicest things... but we get through it. We love each other, and we made a promise that we both vow to keep. I'm a lucky gal for him to put up with me!
4. My Nana. She is the sweetest, most caring and Godly woman I know. I can't imagine life without her.
5. Marcy. I have learned so much from this woman. She is my boss, my friend, and my mentor. Somehow God knew ;) exactly who I would need in my life the past three years. Through heartbreak, happiness, and sorrow, she has been there every step of the way. 
6. My mil Ruth. I don't know what it is about this woman, but her and I have always had a special connection. She has always been an advocate for Christian and I, even when we didn't want each other ourselves. She would email me and keep in touch with my family in the years that he and I went our separate ways. I am so thankful to have a Mother in Law that cares so much about me and my marriage to her son. Not to mention she is a Godly woman who has the biggest heart for other people. 
7. My sil Shelly. This woman has one of the sweetest love stories ever. I really can't get enough of it. Her and her husband Phil have been together forever. They are high school sweethearts who had the world against them in the beginning, but managed to stick together and come out of it all even more in love. They are wonderful parents to three babies. Well, not babies anymore, but you get the idea. Many of Christian's stories and childhood memories involve Shelly and Phil. I know that my brothers will feel the same about Christian... 
8. My fil John. Christian and I are so blessed to have this man as a father/father in law. He has fought for us and stood in the gaps where neither of us had the heart to. He and my dad stayed in contact and prayed over Christian and I more times than I could count. John loves me as his own, and I couldn't be more grateful.
9. My Aunt Kelly. She really has no idea she's on this list, but I look up to her so so much. She is a tad crazy, much like the rest of us Lozano's. She would do anything for her children, and adores her siblings. I love the relationship she and my mom have. I love that she lives so close (8 hours) that we see her more often than we used to with her in Vegas. I so wish that the rest of my dad's family lived closer. 
10. Brooke. Though she drives me crazy, and I often feel like the big sister who wants to ring the neck of the little sister, she really is my very best friend. I admire her confidence and the way she lights up the room just by being in it. Her parents and her friends think the world of her, and she doesn't even know it.

Since I haven't blogged in way too long, here's a quick recap:

Dad & C taking a Sunday nap. We still weren't allowed to change the channel.

In the Gap dressing room... haha.

Shopping with the boys and mom at the flea market!

Oh you know- Wayne & Garth for Halloween!

C & I on our 'special' trip to Gatlinburg. The picture doesn't do the view justice!
I know you want to see us kissing ;)

til next time.

xo

H

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1. List 20 random facts about yourself.
2. Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears. 
3. Describe your relationship with your parents. 
4. List 10 things you would tell your 16 year old self, if you could. 
5. What are the 5 things that make you most happy right now? 
6. What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?  
7. What is your dream job, and why? 
8. What are 5 passions you have? 
9. List 10 people who have influenced you and describe how. 
10. Describe your most embarrassing moment. 
11. Describe 10 pet peeves you have. 
12. Describe a typical day in your current life. 
13. Describe 5 weaknesses you have. 
14. Describe 5 strengths you have. 
15. If you were an animal, what would you be and why? 
16. What are your 5 greatest accomplishments? 
17. What is the thing you most wish you were great at? 
18. What is your earliest memory?
19. If you could live anywhere, where would it be and why? 
20. Describe 3 significant memories from your childhood. 
21. If you could have one superpower, what would it be and what would you do with it first? 
22. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? 15 years? 
23. List your top 5 hobbies and why you love them. 
24. Describe your family dynamic of your childhood vs. your family dynamic now. 
25. If you could have dinner with anyone in history, who would it be and what would you eat?
26. What popular notion do you think the world has most wrong?
27. What is your favorite part of your body and why?
28. What is your love language?
29. What do you think people misunderstand most about you?
30. List 10 things you would hope to be remembered for

If I get married, I want to be very married. Audrey Hepburn

So I wrote out a post yesterday, but never posted it. Even though I feel much better today than I did then, I still want to post it. Can't be perfect all the time ;)

Bear with me while I act like a 13 yr old girl for a minute. :) Why are some days an uncontrollable whirlwind of emotion? I don't know who has taken over my body and my mind lately, but it's high-time they get goin'. There are a few reasons I can think of, but none of these reasons are reason enough to become Satan on Earth... which I have. No judgments here, right? Ugh. 

I really think it all boils down to my impatience with God. Why aren't things happening as quickly as I had hoped? Why does God get to decide how and when things happen? I am laughing at myself already for asking that one. I know I will wake up in the next few days with a fresh outlook and a regretful heart for feeling the way I have been lately. 

The idea of even starting the buying process for a new home makes me worry. 

The possible chance of infertility makes me worry. 

Side bar: This is every woman- who - has - dreamed - to - be - a - mother's worry. I have not been told that I am infertile. I have PCOS, which is very common, so I know that I will have a tougher time getting pregnant because I don't ovulate as regularly as most women.

I don't know why, but Satan has bounded the idea in my head lately. It's exhausting and it makes me so so sad. Why can't I just trust that God will do perfect things in perfect time? Why do I have to control everything? 

Most of all.. Why do I insist on thinking my way is better than God's way? God has proved to me time and time again that He is faithful. 

I really do feel much better today about everything. Maybe it was a mixture of sadness, worry, anxiety, and a little bit of my just being female. haha. 

On with the questions!

What are 5 passions you have? 

1. Being a mom. I know that's a shocker.

2. Politics. But what I'm absolutely NOT passionate about, is belittling others because they don't hold the same opinion you do. I honestly can't wait for the election to be over... I never thought I'd say that.

3. My marriage. Putting Christian first...

4. Missions

5. Thrifting..

Still trying to figure out how to style this hair of mine... But i still LOVE it!!

Christian is taking me on a surprise getaway this weekend! I'm so excited! I could hardly sleep last night, and that is a RARITY. 

Thanks for reading and listening to my rants! ;)

xo

Dream Job

Some of the questions in this questionnaire make me squirm a little bit, but today's shouldn't be too difficult. I have always wanted this dream 'job'.

More than anything in the world I want to be a mom. I want to be one of those moms that, aside from my marriage and my personal relationship with God, is the thing I invest most of time and energy doing. Now don't get me wrong, I LOVE my job now. I am blessed to work for and with Godly people who have become more than just co-workers. That being said, I can't wait to be a stay at home mom/wife. In addition to that, the second half of my dream 'job' is to do full-time mission work. The only caveat is that I would want for everyone I love to follow in our footsteps and come with us wherever we go. I so badly want to live in another country and run an orphanage, or a counseling center for kids who have been abandoned either by choice or by circumstance. I have had many thoughts about being teacher as well, but the type of teaching I would want to do is not inside a classroom. I want to mentor and love on kids who may have not otherwise been given any love. Maybe this is part of my heart for doing missions. I want to be Christ to the people I am loving on. The only problem with doing this, for me anyway, is that I don't want to have to live without our families.

While Christian and I talk all the time very seriously about giving up everything and being missionaries, we both feel that it just isn't what God has planned for us... YET. Saying that gives me a tinge of sadness, knowing that it may not be in God's plan at all. By faith I know that God has put both of these desires (mom & missionary) into my heart for a reason. He paired me with a Godly and servant-hearted husband who wants those two things as much as I do. What a sweet blessing. 

1. List 20 random facts about yourself.
2. Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears. 
3. Describe your relationship with your parents. 
4. List 10 things you would tell your 16 year old self, if you could. 
5. What are the 5 things that make you most happy right now? 
6. What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?  
7. What is your dream job, and why? 
8. What are 5 passions you have? 
9. List 10 people who have influenced you and describe how. 
10. Describe your most embarrassing moment. 
11. Describe 10 pet peeves you have. 
12. Describe a typical day in your current life. 
13. Describe 5 weaknesses you have. 
14. Describe 5 strengths you have. 
15. If you were an animal, what would you be and why? 
16. What are your 5 greatest accomplishments? 
17. What is the thing you most wish you were great at? 
18. What is your earliest memory?
19. If you could live anywhere, where would it be and why? 
20. Describe 3 significant memories from your childhood. 
21. If you could have one superpower, what would it be and what would you do with it first? 
22. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? 15 years? 
23. List your top 5 hobbies and why you love them. 
24. Describe your family dynamic of your childhood vs. your family dynamic now. 
25. If you could have dinner with anyone in history, who would it be and what would you eat?
26. What popular notion do you think the world has most wrong?
27. What is your favorite part of your body and why?
28. What is your love language?
29. What do you think people misunderstand most about you?
30. List 10 things you would hope to be remembered for

Tough Stuff

What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?

I can't remember if I have talked about this before, but I suppose it's worth mentioning again. I have had such a blessed 24 years. I look around me and many of the people  I know have had some horribly tragic things happen to them. :( Because I haven't, I find myself looking around the corner just waiting for my tragedy to happen. I don't mean to make light of this question, but I don't know that any of my "hard" stuff would be considered difficult to other people. 

I have had my fair share of tough stuff, but nothing that God hasn't brought me out of and healed the broken pieces of my life. 

Is that a fair and non-cheeseball answer? I try to be candid on here, so sometimes that looks like me being honest about things that may not be as exciting as other days.

New hurr & the challenge... finally.

My goal is to write every day during this challenge for the remainder of it! The class I am currently in hardly requires any homework; I love having that as an excuse for forgetting about my blog! I have to be super careful not to let not-blogging stress me out. I so badly want to be one of those expert bloggers who have incredible looking photoshop images with these profound and funny blog posts every day... So much pressure! It's easy to lose sight of the reason why I started blogging in the first place when I get caught up in the comparisons between my blog and others that I read.

Some cool things that have happened in my life lately...

- I won FIVE FREE PAIRS OF SHOES from Naomi Davis' blog Rockstar Diaries. I talked a little about how she writes one of my favorite blogs back in an earlier post. You read that right... FIVE FREE-NO-STRINGS-ATTACHED PAIRS OF SHOES! EEK! How lucky am I?

- Something super cool... I hacked off ALL of my hair. Yep. Probably about 16 inches total. I left work around 4 last Wednesday and decided that I should finally go ahead and just do it! I've loved the style forever, and I knew from everything I had read that I would love it. I will admit, when I first left the salon I was partly in shock, and even more nauseated than I had expected- lol. Side bar- I didn't tell Christian! I had to tell some white lies to keep him believing that I was still at work. Here is part of the reaction he had to seeing it for the first time... Sorry about the mess; he was fixing his bike in the living room.

Haha he loves it! He likes it way better than the long hair. Really I think he just likes that i look like a B.A. Or maybe that's me. ;)

...

This doesn't even seem real. Lol excuse my face. My best
friend, Brooke, came with.

Since I was planning to donate 10 inches, I had to have it in a pony tail first.
I think overall she cut around 15 inches.

freaking out!

feeling a tad faint-ish immediately after.
it might have been the coconut water. haha.

And here is the final product! I'm super obsessed with it. I have honestly never felt so girly/sexy before in my life!

I love that I can wear fun earrings and you can actually see them ;)

A lil front porch sittin' with my C.

Okay, to continue on with my challenge.  I will do better!

What are the 5 things that make you most happy right now? 

Pssh. Five? I am so stinkin' happy; I don't know if five will cut it.

Let's see..

1. Christian.

How sick of seeing his name are you guys? Haha. I can't help it, and I decided that I'm going to stop apologizing for talking about him all the time. I am so blessed to have him as my husband. He is a daily reminder of how perfect God's plan is and how being obedient to what God desires for us is really the best way to live. He is my constant. 

2. Worship.

I LIVE for worship on Sunday mornings. I mean.. I LOVE LOVE LOVE it. I love worship music, and I love the presence of God that fills both the room and my soul. What's better is that I don't have to wait for Sunday mornings to feel God. 

3. Spending Sundays with my family.

Wrestling, football, food, laughter... There isn't anything sweeter. I wish that we lived close to C's family too. 

4. This new 'do.

Cut me some slack- I'm allowed one shallow answer, right? I'm pretty flippin excited over this hair. I still feel like a brand new woman!

5. Getting healthy.

This is all C's doing really. Since we've been married we have resorted to snuggling on the couch over running or working out. All of the sudden pasta, beer, and dessert had accompanied every meal. For the past week or so Christian has been eating healthier and encourages me to do the same. While I would MUCH rather have a cadbury bar over a celery stick, it will be worth it.

Day 4- Dear 16 year old Heather

When I first saw this list, this is the question that caught my attention. This will be easy in the sense that there are lots of things I wish I could redo, but difficult in that these same regrets will resurface.

I'm so blessed. I had a loving set of parents and a ton of outside support that always pointed me in the right direction. I took pride in the fact that I usually chose to do the right things... << See that word? PRIDE. Thank you blog for proving to everyone else the struggle that you face daily. I'm sure we'll talk about this at some point... I tend to be very prideful. Ick!

List 10 things you would tell your 16 year old self, if you could.

1) The sports you play do not define you. One day, a day not very far off, you will quit your college soccer team. What feels like the most important aspect of your life is really just a minor detail. You will always love sports, but it's okay not to be the best.

2) We all have different battles. Stop resenting others simply because the relationship has changed. Sometimes friends stay for a season, and that's just the way God intended it.

3) Your parents love you. They do everything for you out of love.

4) Stay the night with your Mamaw more often. As scary as it might be when the floor creaks, and as much as you'd rather stay up texting or on the internet, you will miss out on some of your fondest memories. The 24 year old Heather would stay with her 24 hours a day. It makes me sick to think of the conversations and hugs that we didn't get to share. 

5) You will value your purity and your relationship with God for the rest of your life. Hang on to them.

6) Help your parents out. Let them know how much you appreciate them.

7) Stay out late. Jump on the trampoline all night. Have sleepovers. Really live and enjoy these moments... For some reason, as you get older, friendships change and the innocence and freedom of being a teenager only hangs around for a short time.

8) He is a LOSER. He treats you horribly, uses you, and is NOT a good friend. Let him go and look around you! At 16 you have already cried way too many tears over someone who would never care to do the same for you. Maybe that Christian character you used to date deserves another chance ;)

Side note: Christian and I dated when I was 14/15. He was always so so so nice to me! This other 'boy' somehow held my attention and C inevitably broke it off with me. He deserved better than to be with someone who wasn't giving him her full attention. Needless to say, Christian has never cared for this person for all of these reasons. I wish I could show my 16 year old self what it felt/looked like to really love and cherish another person... I would have spared myself a LOT of heartbreak.

9) Hug Michael. Life is short.

:(

10) Apply for scholarships early! LOL. This one is really not something I would have done... but now that I know what it's like to pay back student loans, it sounds pretty good!

1. List 20 random facts about yourself.
2. Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears. 
3. Describe your relationship with your parents. 
4. List 10 things you would tell your 16 year old self, if you could. 
5. What are the 5 things that make you most happy right now? 
6. What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?  
7. What is your dream job, and why? 
8. What are 5 passions you have? 
9. List 10 people who have influenced you and describe how. 
10. Describe your most embarrassing moment. 
11. Describe 10 pet peeves you have. 
12. Describe a typical day in your current life. 
13. Describe 5 weaknesses you have. 
14. Describe 5 strengths you have. 
15. If you were an animal, what would you be and why? 
16. What are your 5 greatest accomplishments? 
17. What is the thing you most wish you were great at? 
18. What has been the most difficult thing you have had to forgive? 
19. If you could live anywhere, where would it be and why? 
20. Describe 3 significant memories from your childhood. 
21. If you could have one superpower, what would it be and what would you do with it first? 
22. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? 15 years? 
23. List your top 5 hobbies and why you love them. 
24. Describe your family dynamic of your childhood vs. your family dynamic now. 
25. If you could have dinner with anyone in history, who would it be and what would you eat?
26. What popular notion do you think the world has most wrong?
27. What is your favorite part of your body and why?
28. What is your love language?
29. What do you think people misunderstand most about you?
30. List 10 things you would hope to be remembered for

 ** Something super cool happened this week! I entered a contest with around 2600 other people on RockStar Diaries. The contest was to win FIVE pairs of shoes from SoleSociety.com. That's right... FIVE! I won! As much as I used to love her blog, I think I am obsessed now!

XO

Rose