If I get married, I want to be very married. Audrey Hepburn

So I wrote out a post yesterday, but never posted it. Even though I feel much better today than I did then, I still want to post it. Can't be perfect all the time ;)

Bear with me while I act like a 13 yr old girl for a minute. :) Why are some days an uncontrollable whirlwind of emotion? I don't know who has taken over my body and my mind lately, but it's high-time they get goin'. There are a few reasons I can think of, but none of these reasons are reason enough to become Satan on Earth... which I have. No judgments here, right? Ugh. 

I really think it all boils down to my impatience with God. Why aren't things happening as quickly as I had hoped? Why does God get to decide how and when things happen? I am laughing at myself already for asking that one. I know I will wake up in the next few days with a fresh outlook and a regretful heart for feeling the way I have been lately. 

The idea of even starting the buying process for a new home makes me worry. 

The possible chance of infertility makes me worry. 

Side bar: This is every woman- who - has - dreamed - to - be - a - mother's worry. I have not been told that I am infertile. I have PCOS, which is very common, so I know that I will have a tougher time getting pregnant because I don't ovulate as regularly as most women.

I don't know why, but Satan has bounded the idea in my head lately. It's exhausting and it makes me so so sad. Why can't I just trust that God will do perfect things in perfect time? Why do I have to control everything? 

Most of all.. Why do I insist on thinking my way is better than God's way? God has proved to me time and time again that He is faithful. 

I really do feel much better today about everything. Maybe it was a mixture of sadness, worry, anxiety, and a little bit of my just being female. haha. 

On with the questions!

What are 5 passions you have? 

1. Being a mom. I know that's a shocker.

2. Politics. But what I'm absolutely NOT passionate about, is belittling others because they don't hold the same opinion you do. I honestly can't wait for the election to be over... I never thought I'd say that.

3. My marriage. Putting Christian first...

4. Missions

5. Thrifting..

Still trying to figure out how to style this hair of mine... But i still LOVE it!!

Christian is taking me on a surprise getaway this weekend! I'm so excited! I could hardly sleep last night, and that is a RARITY. 

Thanks for reading and listening to my rants! ;)

xo

Dream Job

Some of the questions in this questionnaire make me squirm a little bit, but today's shouldn't be too difficult. I have always wanted this dream 'job'.

More than anything in the world I want to be a mom. I want to be one of those moms that, aside from my marriage and my personal relationship with God, is the thing I invest most of time and energy doing. Now don't get me wrong, I LOVE my job now. I am blessed to work for and with Godly people who have become more than just co-workers. That being said, I can't wait to be a stay at home mom/wife. In addition to that, the second half of my dream 'job' is to do full-time mission work. The only caveat is that I would want for everyone I love to follow in our footsteps and come with us wherever we go. I so badly want to live in another country and run an orphanage, or a counseling center for kids who have been abandoned either by choice or by circumstance. I have had many thoughts about being teacher as well, but the type of teaching I would want to do is not inside a classroom. I want to mentor and love on kids who may have not otherwise been given any love. Maybe this is part of my heart for doing missions. I want to be Christ to the people I am loving on. The only problem with doing this, for me anyway, is that I don't want to have to live without our families.

While Christian and I talk all the time very seriously about giving up everything and being missionaries, we both feel that it just isn't what God has planned for us... YET. Saying that gives me a tinge of sadness, knowing that it may not be in God's plan at all. By faith I know that God has put both of these desires (mom & missionary) into my heart for a reason. He paired me with a Godly and servant-hearted husband who wants those two things as much as I do. What a sweet blessing. 

1. List 20 random facts about yourself.
2. Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears. 
3. Describe your relationship with your parents. 
4. List 10 things you would tell your 16 year old self, if you could. 
5. What are the 5 things that make you most happy right now? 
6. What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?  
7. What is your dream job, and why? 
8. What are 5 passions you have? 
9. List 10 people who have influenced you and describe how. 
10. Describe your most embarrassing moment. 
11. Describe 10 pet peeves you have. 
12. Describe a typical day in your current life. 
13. Describe 5 weaknesses you have. 
14. Describe 5 strengths you have. 
15. If you were an animal, what would you be and why? 
16. What are your 5 greatest accomplishments? 
17. What is the thing you most wish you were great at? 
18. What is your earliest memory?
19. If you could live anywhere, where would it be and why? 
20. Describe 3 significant memories from your childhood. 
21. If you could have one superpower, what would it be and what would you do with it first? 
22. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? 15 years? 
23. List your top 5 hobbies and why you love them. 
24. Describe your family dynamic of your childhood vs. your family dynamic now. 
25. If you could have dinner with anyone in history, who would it be and what would you eat?
26. What popular notion do you think the world has most wrong?
27. What is your favorite part of your body and why?
28. What is your love language?
29. What do you think people misunderstand most about you?
30. List 10 things you would hope to be remembered for

Tough Stuff

What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?

I can't remember if I have talked about this before, but I suppose it's worth mentioning again. I have had such a blessed 24 years. I look around me and many of the people  I know have had some horribly tragic things happen to them. :( Because I haven't, I find myself looking around the corner just waiting for my tragedy to happen. I don't mean to make light of this question, but I don't know that any of my "hard" stuff would be considered difficult to other people. 

I have had my fair share of tough stuff, but nothing that God hasn't brought me out of and healed the broken pieces of my life. 

Is that a fair and non-cheeseball answer? I try to be candid on here, so sometimes that looks like me being honest about things that may not be as exciting as other days.

New hurr & the challenge... finally.

My goal is to write every day during this challenge for the remainder of it! The class I am currently in hardly requires any homework; I love having that as an excuse for forgetting about my blog! I have to be super careful not to let not-blogging stress me out. I so badly want to be one of those expert bloggers who have incredible looking photoshop images with these profound and funny blog posts every day... So much pressure! It's easy to lose sight of the reason why I started blogging in the first place when I get caught up in the comparisons between my blog and others that I read.

Some cool things that have happened in my life lately...

- I won FIVE FREE PAIRS OF SHOES from Naomi Davis' blog Rockstar Diaries. I talked a little about how she writes one of my favorite blogs back in an earlier post. You read that right... FIVE FREE-NO-STRINGS-ATTACHED PAIRS OF SHOES! EEK! How lucky am I?

- Something super cool... I hacked off ALL of my hair. Yep. Probably about 16 inches total. I left work around 4 last Wednesday and decided that I should finally go ahead and just do it! I've loved the style forever, and I knew from everything I had read that I would love it. I will admit, when I first left the salon I was partly in shock, and even more nauseated than I had expected- lol. Side bar- I didn't tell Christian! I had to tell some white lies to keep him believing that I was still at work. Here is part of the reaction he had to seeing it for the first time... Sorry about the mess; he was fixing his bike in the living room.

Haha he loves it! He likes it way better than the long hair. Really I think he just likes that i look like a B.A. Or maybe that's me. ;)

...

This doesn't even seem real. Lol excuse my face. My best
friend, Brooke, came with.

Since I was planning to donate 10 inches, I had to have it in a pony tail first.
I think overall she cut around 15 inches.

freaking out!

feeling a tad faint-ish immediately after.
it might have been the coconut water. haha.

And here is the final product! I'm super obsessed with it. I have honestly never felt so girly/sexy before in my life!

I love that I can wear fun earrings and you can actually see them ;)

A lil front porch sittin' with my C.

Okay, to continue on with my challenge.  I will do better!

What are the 5 things that make you most happy right now? 

Pssh. Five? I am so stinkin' happy; I don't know if five will cut it.

Let's see..

1. Christian.

How sick of seeing his name are you guys? Haha. I can't help it, and I decided that I'm going to stop apologizing for talking about him all the time. I am so blessed to have him as my husband. He is a daily reminder of how perfect God's plan is and how being obedient to what God desires for us is really the best way to live. He is my constant. 

2. Worship.

I LIVE for worship on Sunday mornings. I mean.. I LOVE LOVE LOVE it. I love worship music, and I love the presence of God that fills both the room and my soul. What's better is that I don't have to wait for Sunday mornings to feel God. 

3. Spending Sundays with my family.

Wrestling, football, food, laughter... There isn't anything sweeter. I wish that we lived close to C's family too. 

4. This new 'do.

Cut me some slack- I'm allowed one shallow answer, right? I'm pretty flippin excited over this hair. I still feel like a brand new woman!

5. Getting healthy.

This is all C's doing really. Since we've been married we have resorted to snuggling on the couch over running or working out. All of the sudden pasta, beer, and dessert had accompanied every meal. For the past week or so Christian has been eating healthier and encourages me to do the same. While I would MUCH rather have a cadbury bar over a celery stick, it will be worth it.

Day 4- Dear 16 year old Heather

When I first saw this list, this is the question that caught my attention. This will be easy in the sense that there are lots of things I wish I could redo, but difficult in that these same regrets will resurface.

I'm so blessed. I had a loving set of parents and a ton of outside support that always pointed me in the right direction. I took pride in the fact that I usually chose to do the right things... << See that word? PRIDE. Thank you blog for proving to everyone else the struggle that you face daily. I'm sure we'll talk about this at some point... I tend to be very prideful. Ick!

List 10 things you would tell your 16 year old self, if you could.

1) The sports you play do not define you. One day, a day not very far off, you will quit your college soccer team. What feels like the most important aspect of your life is really just a minor detail. You will always love sports, but it's okay not to be the best.

2) We all have different battles. Stop resenting others simply because the relationship has changed. Sometimes friends stay for a season, and that's just the way God intended it.

3) Your parents love you. They do everything for you out of love.

4) Stay the night with your Mamaw more often. As scary as it might be when the floor creaks, and as much as you'd rather stay up texting or on the internet, you will miss out on some of your fondest memories. The 24 year old Heather would stay with her 24 hours a day. It makes me sick to think of the conversations and hugs that we didn't get to share. 

5) You will value your purity and your relationship with God for the rest of your life. Hang on to them.

6) Help your parents out. Let them know how much you appreciate them.

7) Stay out late. Jump on the trampoline all night. Have sleepovers. Really live and enjoy these moments... For some reason, as you get older, friendships change and the innocence and freedom of being a teenager only hangs around for a short time.

8) He is a LOSER. He treats you horribly, uses you, and is NOT a good friend. Let him go and look around you! At 16 you have already cried way too many tears over someone who would never care to do the same for you. Maybe that Christian character you used to date deserves another chance ;)

Side note: Christian and I dated when I was 14/15. He was always so so so nice to me! This other 'boy' somehow held my attention and C inevitably broke it off with me. He deserved better than to be with someone who wasn't giving him her full attention. Needless to say, Christian has never cared for this person for all of these reasons. I wish I could show my 16 year old self what it felt/looked like to really love and cherish another person... I would have spared myself a LOT of heartbreak.

9) Hug Michael. Life is short.

:(

10) Apply for scholarships early! LOL. This one is really not something I would have done... but now that I know what it's like to pay back student loans, it sounds pretty good!

1. List 20 random facts about yourself.
2. Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears. 
3. Describe your relationship with your parents. 
4. List 10 things you would tell your 16 year old self, if you could. 
5. What are the 5 things that make you most happy right now? 
6. What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?  
7. What is your dream job, and why? 
8. What are 5 passions you have? 
9. List 10 people who have influenced you and describe how. 
10. Describe your most embarrassing moment. 
11. Describe 10 pet peeves you have. 
12. Describe a typical day in your current life. 
13. Describe 5 weaknesses you have. 
14. Describe 5 strengths you have. 
15. If you were an animal, what would you be and why? 
16. What are your 5 greatest accomplishments? 
17. What is the thing you most wish you were great at? 
18. What has been the most difficult thing you have had to forgive? 
19. If you could live anywhere, where would it be and why? 
20. Describe 3 significant memories from your childhood. 
21. If you could have one superpower, what would it be and what would you do with it first? 
22. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? 15 years? 
23. List your top 5 hobbies and why you love them. 
24. Describe your family dynamic of your childhood vs. your family dynamic now. 
25. If you could have dinner with anyone in history, who would it be and what would you eat?
26. What popular notion do you think the world has most wrong?
27. What is your favorite part of your body and why?
28. What is your love language?
29. What do you think people misunderstand most about you?
30. List 10 things you would hope to be remembered for

 ** Something super cool happened this week! I entered a contest with around 2600 other people on RockStar Diaries. The contest was to win FIVE pairs of shoes from SoleSociety.com. That's right... FIVE! I won! As much as I used to love her blog, I think I am obsessed now!

XO

Rose

Mom & Pop

I really am slow at this blogging business. I have been so swamped with life/work/school... blogging seems to be the last on the list of things to do!

Today, post #3, I am describing my relationship with my parents. They are really my best friends. Christian is my best friend. He is my other half. I can talk to him about anything, share with him things, get mad at him and call him mean names... I'm working on that. ;)  Aside from Christian, my parents are my go-to... a huge portion of the foundation that forms who I am.

What's even more special is that our relationship has ALWAYS been this sweet. I could always, and have always, told them everything. They share with me the trials and the joys of my life.  Before getting my married I cried.. and cried.. and cried. Christian probably thought he was either a. marrying a loon or b. was marrying a loon. :) I was so saddened by the fact that marriage was going to change things. I have a little bubble in my throat just thinking about the feelings I felt during that time. It was inevitable, but what I didn't realize was that it was not a bad thing. Change isn't always bad. Christian has been nothing but supportive and loving during that transition. It's a sweet blessing to know that I have a set of parents that are worth hanging on to so tightly.

I am so grateful for them. They have always been an advocate for Christian and I. During the past 5 years, we have had some really rough.. really hard... times. The wisdom and advice that both my parents and Christian's family offered helped us to get through it. We came out of it a more strong and faithful couple.

I have lived my entire life with my parents being this way. Now that Christian and I are starting a family of our own, I realize how blessed we are to have people to look up to. Our babies will have an incredible set of grandparents on both sides.

So, after all that rambling, the relationship with my parents: GREAT! I pray my kids have the same relationship with C and I one day.